In my 21 years I have managed to emotionally detach myself from most of the few women that I was programmed to love. So in my 21 years I’ve had 2 best friends who are female (who are still my best friends), 2 very good friends who are females and an exponentially increasing number of females who i deemed pointless past even bothering know their names because they were all the same personality with different faces. But the men; the men have always been different. The ones I allow to prod me emotionally had such distinct characteristics about themselves; it was always a new experience. Experiences that I hold severely close to my heart. And when one of the stars of my fondest memories is taken………… no words.
Which brings me to a revelation that I’ve had about myself. The death of a man hurts me more than the death of a woman. I don’t give a shit about too many women to start with; plus its like losing something you forgot you had… they’re so many of us!! LMAO, that’s a lil extreme but most who know me, know that I don’t care much about females; period. But lately, alot of the male figures in my lifescope have died. Not all holding the same level of importance or significance in my life, but still, some whom I allowed room in my heart. Then one of my favorite aunts died, and I couldn’t cry. Then more of the men in my life died. The my boyfriend’s closest cousin died. And I couldn’t stop crying. I’ve never met him, but I had a dream about him……
Something may be wrong with me emotionally. Some may think its unhealthy or whatever. I wouldn’t deny it. Not only because I don’t give flying fuck, but it works for me.
I have some serious beef right now, with liars. Lie: To present false information with the intention of deceiving. See the world is overrun with them. I know. I used to be one. My change of path came when I spread myself too thin and simply couldn’t remember who I said what to. I got assed out and only after exhausting myself came to the realization that it’s easier to tell the truth. Yeah, it’s some cliché bullshit, but its advice worth taking.
Now I can see the light. And here is my conclusion: liars are cowardly assholes. People too ashamed of themselves to share who they really are with others. I heard before that people who lie have no balls. I beg to differ. It takes a set of enormous balls to look people – strangers or otherwise – dead in the eye and just lie to their face. I think they have no heart.
You have to be a heartless. Taking it a step further – you have to be a cold, heartless, frigid, awful bitch to be able to lie to the ones with whom you share a mutual love.
And that’s the shit I don’t understand.
It’s things like this that make me even question love.
In my world, love is unconditional. That may be the biggest flaw in my little world, but it’s a welcomed flaw. If I finally come out and tell a person I love him/her, then I’m basically saying “I love you, regardless…”
Regardless encompasses
- your appearance
- your wierd habits
- your now and later attitude
- your extremely eccentric family
- your past
… and anything else that follows suit. What it doesn’t entail is your dsregard for honesty , especially with me. I have no tolerance for it. None. Why should I? If you lie about everything, you could be lying when you say you love me and that is what I’m afraid of, so I won’t put myself in the situation to have to find out the hard way. At least I will try not to.
Why lie? Does it make you feel better about yourself? Are you in awe that people so willingly accept your words because they mean something? Does it make you feel creative? Do you even care that you could be breaking someone’s heart?
I don’t know the answer to any of these questions. I don’t bother with the lying thing anymore, I prefer to be straight up. Cause what liars fail to understand is that being lied to hurts like hell. What kills me is that they seem to think they are the only ones with the capacity to tell a lie. I hope they all get caught out there. Not caught in a lie. But end up on the receiving end of some heavy ones.
How does your medicine taste, LIAR.
